Question by sophia_of_light: How to get rid of bothersome thoughts? Do you have some like these? If so what do you do to stop them?
Often I think of things my mother and my sister have said to me when I were younger, growing up that really brings me down! I try to stop the thoughts and memories but they continue and it sometimes leads to deep depression. Sometimes these thoughts happen as soon as I wake up and/or through out the day. Please be serious and no rude or bogas replies. These things that have been said by them they haven’t even followed &/or these things said haven’t applied to them but were ment to apply to me. How do you deal, cope or manage with this, some of these things were very crule and have hurt my whole being. I feel as though I am haunted by these things that were said so many years ago almost daily. I know they were said in the past but my pain is like it were yesterday, I know I should not hold a grudge but can’t let go of memories or hurt feeling to get past it. I am not even sure that I hold a grudge but I do know it messes with my mind, emotions and seriously brings me down!
I feel like confronting them both like this is my only hope to heal but this would only start a family fight and I will loss!
Best answer:
Answer by the_only_solorose
you don’t have to carry all that painful hurtful baggage with you. You are the only one that can control what you do or don’t think, but it does take a commitment to practise control. Suggest you would do well to see a therapist, they can sometimes help you to develop coping skills and help you devise a plan for unloading all that old baggage.
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#1 by big mommasweeta on March 7, 2012 - 6:57 pm
I have them too, actually, you may have OCD. Look it up on yahoo and they have a sympton log that would tell you if you may have it. You sound like you have compulsive thinking that won’t stop on certain issues. Good luck
#2 by Tempest88 on March 7, 2012 - 7:48 pm
You are experiencing something called rumination. You are focusing on remembering certain things that caused you harm from your family. This tendancy is often a symptom of depression. I would strongly advise you to seek counselling about your thoughts and emotions. This will help you a) get rid of them b) understand why they bother you so much c) allow you to get on with your life and emotional development.
Many families say and do cruel things to a member. Sometimes it was meant as a joke but the receiver did’nt find it funny. Sometimes it is the age at which you heard the hurtful information. Think of the times where you have said something without thinking and it hurt someone. Sometimes you are the victim of thoughtlessness as opposed to meant harm.
So you are right to ask to get help to rid you of these pervasive thoughts. Sometimes it helps to say “Stop. I am not going to think about that memory right now.”
Get some help, you will feel better.
#3 by Robin M on March 7, 2012 - 8:30 pm
Sometimes seeking professional help to deal with past issues can be very helpful. If perhaps when you do see a counsellor, doctor, phycologist etc. they will be able to help you confront your mother and sister.
#4 by skachicah35 on March 7, 2012 - 8:32 pm
You need to speak with someone who can help you work through these feelings. Whether that be a counselor, therapist, psychologist, clergy member of friend… After dealing with the feelings it may be appropriate to discuss them with your family, however, until you are okay with them, you should not be expected to discuss them with your family, especially considering they are the source of your issues. Having been through depression myself and with friends and family, I know how difficult it can be, however I know you can get past it with help.
#5 by Kasha on March 7, 2012 - 9:27 pm
When you start to have these thoughts make it a point to remind yourself of the positive things about yourself that you like. Perhaps you can start a journal and only allow yourself to write good things about yourself. What you focus on becomes bigger, so try to stay focused on the good things that don’t bring you down.
If you’re still in contact with these people, change the topic when they decide to be hurtful, mention a recent accomplishment or something positive about yourself. You can’t make them not be negative, but you can control how you feel about yourself : )
#6 by Esq. on March 7, 2012 - 10:13 pm
Yes, you need to deal and heal before you marry and start a family or you will drag this into the marriage.
You are probably depressed but you have a HUGE advantage over most people. You have been able to determine WHAT is causing the depression and can now deal with that. CONGRATULATIONS.
Many times people just go through life with this undercurrent of low self-esteem and don’t figure it all out.
Recommend seeing a counselor for 10 sessions every two weeks or so; then go back once every six months for followups. Remember that you need the therapy and don’t let the “therapist” stand in the way if you don’t like them. You can always find a new therapist. Be careful though, don’t jettison a new therapist because they ask you tough questions or ask you to explore painful areas–they want to get you to stand on your own two feet and not get all rolled up into the depression, eventually.
Also, seriously think about establishing a faith home. Shop around to various Christian congregations and find one that supports you and your faith.
Don’t worry about feeling that you have to “confront” all the past and wrongs. You’re right, they are experts at spinning it and turning it all around so that it is either a. your fault or b. the cause of their feeling badly.
Therapists may have you write a journal or letters, which you read at the therapy sessions. The letters don’t necessarily have to go to the family. The therapist usually knows this won’t change THEM; what’s important is taking care and helping YOU! :0)
Good luck, you’ll get there !
#7 by Thunder Tongue on March 7, 2012 - 10:59 pm
I have tried getting help but I didn’t get my wife’s support , I strugle and can’t find happyness at home . I do bad things that I ‘m not proud of but I have to have some kind of release or I’ll blow !
#8 by Sheryl R on March 7, 2012 - 11:32 pm
I have had similar experiences…thinking about things from the past that were unpleasant. There is a true, legitimate, spiritual answer for you. Check out http://www.gotquestions.org http://www.billygraham.org & http://www.crosswalk.com
Your conscience is where your spirit life resides & you don’t have to suffer w/these thoughts. I have done this: when an unpleasant thought comes into my mind, I consciously exhale, or blow out air to blow the thought away into an imaginary bottomless pit never to return (visualize it).